Money.....I Don't Has It

I was going to try and cop out and write a totally crap blog tonight, but I'm still feeling sort of punk about this all.

For the past couple of weeks, I've been worrying about money. I guess it would be more correct to say that I've been worrying about how the hell I'm going to organize the holidays and pay for stuff. Not really for us, but for the kid. I like making him happy on Christmas, because he rarely asks for stuff during the rest of the year (unless it's his birthday). He's one of the most unspoiled kids I know. I can take him walking through stores, including toy aisles, and he won't bat an eyelash. It's wonderful. But yes, I do like making his Christmas a little spectacular.

So this brings me to why I'm so worried. This may be tacky, but I'm going to divulge a little of our financial information so that you may better understand why we are broke all the time. Last year, we had a lot of problems, mainly me having to visit the doctor while I was in California. We burned up a lot of credit cards that way. Then there was the trip out there, which I do not regret at all, considering the circumstances. That killed more credit cards. Then it was just a lovely circle of robbing Peter to pay Paul. I finally gave up the ghost on that and went into debt management, because all of the interest was not helping reduce balances. So now I pay almost $350 a month to have these cards paid off with little to no interest charges. We should be done by 2016.

Then we have the other cards that do not participate in debt management that we're paying. That's another $120. You can also add the emergency veterinary credit card (yes, they do exist) that we had to get in September to take care of the doggeh. That's another $25 a month. And then there is the clusterfuck of hospital bills that I could not put on credit cards because it was too high: almost $10,000.

The hospital bills have become a major pain in the ass. In August of 2010, I arranged to pay $251 a month for four years to get them paid down with no interest. This worked while I was burning up credit cards paying for everything else. Once I was unable to do that any longer (this past summer), I knew I was up shit creek in regards to this stupid bill. So I called and explained. They didn't care. They reduced my payment to $200 a month for six months. Yeah, that's going to fucking help. So I turned them over to my debt management program, hoping they would be able to stifle these assholes. Nope. Last month, they turned me over to collections. And now we're accruing interest.

Keep in mind that I was not trying to get out of paying this bill. I've done that shit before and it didn't do my credit any favors. It also caused me to pay well over $2000 more than the original debt. So I know. I just wanted a freaking break, but the hospital couldn't (or wouldn't, is probably the case) lower the payments and give me longer to pay. So two weeks ago, I sent out letters to both the hospital and the collection agency explaining my point of view and asking if the collection agency would be willing to work out payments. They are. I'm hoping they'll take $100 a month, even though $75 of that will be eaten up in interest fees each month. Joy.

So you can couple these bills with the rent, the assessments, the utilities, and the measly $7.99 a month we pay for Netflix streaming. This leaves almost $600 left over for gas (which, thank god, we only need like once a month) and food. And I'm sure you all know how much food costs nowadays. Yeah. Not pretty. Then there is the random stuff, like field trips, school pictures, car registration, clothing, and yes, sometimes outings. I should know better and just forego them, but I kind of want my child to have SOME fun now and then.

So right now, I'm at the end of my rope and quite resentful about having to pay all these bills. It's probably an immature way to react, but I really do just want to lie on the floor and kick and scream.

I also know that other people have it WAY harder than us and we're lucky as fuck to have an assured roof over our heads and insurance on the car, plus free medical care for me and the boy. It could be a lot worse, I know.

Still, you just have to complain sometimes, or else you wind up freaking the fuck out later on.