Two and a half days in. Couldn't hit the elliptical yesterday because my leg muscles (quads?) were screaming. As was I every time I went to sit down or bend my legs. I walked a lot and took Tylenol and whimpered through the day. Ate the same amount of calories as the day before, including some cookies.
Today has been better. I found an old Richard Simmons tape from '86 that is geared towards seniors. I managed to get about 20 minutes in before it started murdering me. Muscles are still tender in my legs. I need to go walking in a bit to loosen up some more and get my steps in.I have found that I have a huge thing for sweets. This seems to be more prevalent when I try and do better about my eating. Ah, the mind. You're such a cunt. At least I've learned that I CAN back away, that I CAN ignore the cravings. And I didn't even have to bother everyone about it!
I've been doing well in other eating areas. More veggies. More protein. More water. Relearning how to eat without overeating.
As easy as I make this sound, it hasn't been on a mental level. I went to Walgreens yesterday and wanted to buy all the chocolate. I wanted to stop and eat nachos. I wanted Thai iced tea. I wanted to go in the candy store and buy a huge piece of homemade candy. My mind wants everything back the way it was. I am constantly at war with it. The fat girl is demanding to stay, telling me that this isn't going to work. Telling me that I did surgery and that failed and that I'm a failure. Telling me that I should just lie around and not exercise and you know you don't want to anyway and it's not going to help. I need a switch to shut her off. Sometimes she almost succeeds in getting to me.
The vanity part of me is wreaking havoc, too. If I am successful down the line, what will my body look like? I know I'll have loose skin because of the damage that I've done to myself. I know I probably won't have the money to correct it. Then the fat girl voice chimes in with how ugly I'll look, uglier than before, and how at least at this weight I know what I look like.
Being nuts sucks sometimes.
Once you get some endurance, ignore your screaming muscles. Just go unless you think you're hurting yourself. Your muscles lie. The cravings should subside if you stick to your plan. I'm here. I have to do more than two miles tomorrow because that's where I set my bar today. As long as it's more than two miles, I've done better than today. We can do this. I have faith in us. Keep pushing.
ReplyDeleteTell that lady in your head I said shut up.
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