On Generosity

I'm going to repost something that I put on Facebook back in February of this year:

"I usually don't say much about the money I give to people who need it. However, I need to vent. This is loooooooooooooong.

Quite a while back, I ran into a woman that was obviously in need of money. Me being me, I gave her some, talked to her for a little bit, and listened to stories of her plight. Lots of kids, sick, pregnant, etc. Whatever calamity existed, she had it. This went on for several months. I'd run into like once a month. She had the baby. It was premature. The baby died. She was moving to Florida because her father died and left her an inheritance. After that last story, she disappeared for several months. Then a few weeks ago, she reappeared. She had "come back" to Chicago because her son ran away and now he was dead because someone shot him and she was trying to get back to Florida and she needed money. Okay. I gave her some. A week later, here she comes again. "I was in the hospital. I got sick. I need medicine." A week later. "I slipped and fell on ice and missed my bus and now I'm driving back in a rental car that someone rented for me." By this time, she has figured out where I live and how to use the intercom system to find me and call me. By this time (well, earlier than this), I'm suspicious. Then last night.....

The intercom buzzed NINE times over 4 hours. I knew it was her. I was not answering, and I wasn't going to let her in. I confirmed it this morning with the security cameras. I'm sure she'll be back today. And this is when I cut her off.

Look, I'm not stupid. She has rotten teeth and the look of a user. I've seen addicts before, and she is like the poster child for addiction. Not judging her, but this shit is ridiculous. You cannot take advantage of my generosity like this, nor can you just expect me to be at your beck and call. I also have no money, and that fact doesn't change just because I live in a nice apartment building."

So. Let me fill you in on the rest.

I did not cut her off the way I should have at the time. She disappeared up until mid-May, and by then, I was feeling sort of, "Okay, I can probably help her out once more." because I am a patsy and obviously stupid. She hounded me, EVERY week, until June, when I just went off the grid. I didn't go anywhere, didn't step foot outside, nothing. That is BAD. This is also probably a small portion of the reason I fell into an anxiety laden funk.

I was lucky in the fact that we disappeared for most of the summer, and I didn't see her at all during August or September. I started feeling a little better about things, thinking that maybe she had really disappeared. Until last week.

I was waiting for my kid (who I allow to walk home alone, since it is down the block and they have safety officers stationed at the corners, and he has to text me when he leaves the school), and she showed up right as he got to the door. I couldn't hide, nothing. She was there and saw me. I listened to her long list of stories (seriously, she could probably write fiction), told her I was broke, I had nothing, and what little I did have was being saved up so I could afford surgery. She talked me down for almost an hour. I finally gave her a little bit of money and she scampered off.

This brings me to yesterday....

I went downstairs to wait for my son like I usually do. The building maintenance guy said, "I saw that lady looking for you yesterday ("yesterday" being Monday)." I groaned. Then the mailman comes in. "That crazy lady (his words) is outside looking for you." Are you fucking kidding me? I looked outside, and sure enough, she was standing under a tree, almost out of my line of sight. And this is when I just....I don't know. I finally decided ENOUGH. I should not be afraid to walk outside. I should not be hounded and practically stalked and talked to death so I give in. The butterflies in my stomach welled up, because I absolutely hate confrontation, but I was tired of this. I stepped outside.

She got up from where she was sitting under a tree, and hollered for me to come and talk to her. I said no. She started with her stories. I raised my hand and told her to stop, that I wasn't going to give her money, that I was done. I do believe my voice got louder, because she told me to stop yelling at her, that she was having a bad day. What? A bad day is not being able to leave your house because someone harasses you for money! Try again.

I continued to refuse her pleas for help. "Not even twenty dollars? My truck was towed! I'll pay you back! My uncle just sent me money!" At this point, I was done. I yelled how I was tired of helping her, that I had given her a HUGE amount of money over the past few years, and that I wasn't doing it anymore. She was furious, and stormed off. I was relieved, so relieved, then worried. I don't know if she will retaliate. I don't know if she'll target my kid. So. Safety plans.

As of right now, I have a flyer ready to print and hang in the lobby so people are aware that she shouldn't be allowed in the building. I will only do this if she comes back or starts harassing me or my kid. I plan on going with my son tomorrow to his school and let them know about her. I plan on telling the safety guards so they know to watch out for her. I don't anticipate her doing anything, but you never know when people get desperate and lose a steady source of money. I have been advised to buy mace, and I think I will.

That said, this is the last part of my post from Facebook that I posted above:

"If you've made it this far, thank you. And please don't give up on helping the homeless or down on their luck. They need it. This lady is just a really poor example of how ANY person could be."

I still believe this. I won't refuse help to anyone if I can help. I know there are crappy people out there, and I just had the unfortunate luck to bring one home. If I see someone asking for food or toiletries to clean up (both have been asked of me before), I will if I have the money. I am not adverse to helping legit charities or paying it forward. But....I also realize that I need to stand up for myself and not be railroaded into things. I've done that for most of my life, and it's really time I grew some balls and just stopped being a pushover. It certainly hasn't done me any good.