There are days when I just feel great, and then there are days when I just want to give up. All day long I've felt a bit weird, but I've tried to ignore it. It was such a nice day that I didn't want to spoil anything. We went out and enjoyed the fall weather. We stopped at the park and the Children's Book Fair. We had fun. Then I got home and my body was just like, "Yeah, fuck you." I had no desire to do the things I was supposed to do. I barely made it through a load of laundry. I didn't even bother to cook dinner. The kitchen is ugly looking. And I just don't care.
Actually, I DO care, but my body doesn't want to do anything about it. How does that saying go? "The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak." That's me.
I'd cry about this, but since I'm on Paxil, I've lost my ability to have a good weepy session. Come to think of it, since being on Paxil again, I've just gone back to being slothy about everything. I fall asleep every morning again. I don't really want to do anything. My mind and brain are fuzzy again. I hate this feeling, but I have no options right now. I could go off the meds again, but what happens if I start having weird "pains" and feelings in my chest and throat? I can't keep going to the doctor.
Oh wait, I guess that doesn't matter since I AM having those weird feelings again. Hopefully it is just a cold. I want it to be a cold. Never, not since I was in school and being bullied, did I want to be sick so badly. If it isn't that, then it is something else, and I don't have the resources to deal with it right now.
Or maybe it is just PMS. I usually develop the "I don't give a damn and leave me the fuck alone" attitude about a week before the bitch rolls into town. Yes. It is always fun times around here. I'm quite honestly astounded that my husband hasn't taken the kid and just run off when I get in these moods.
I'm hoping tomorrow will be better. I need it to be better. I have too much shit to do.
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