Another Survey, And An Idea

Okay, I'm just really exhausted tonight.  It is probably due to the fact that my child likes to wake up early, and me trying to accomplish house cleaning.  Anywho, here's a survey for that azz.  You will likely get surveys for a few more days, unless.....you ask ME questions!  My friend Cynthia has said that these are fun, but that the questions are kind of lame, and my answers are not as butt searingly awesome as they should be.  So.  Ask me questions!  You can ask them in the comments, ask me on Facebook, ask me in real life, whatever.  No holds barred, ask whatever you want.  It's all good.

With that, here is tonight's survey.

On a scale from one to seven, how ugly is yo ugly ass?

Five and three-quarters.

What is the most inappropriate thing you’ve ever said to a nun?

Why do we eat Jesus?  No, seriously.  That happened in Catechism.

How do you know when a Smurf suffocates?

They turn purple.  At least the one that I choked did.

How often do you fall up the stairs?

Rarely.

On a scale from one to ten how horny are you every hour?

Two and two-thirds.

We all know about you and the monkey but we’d still like to hear your side of the story. Go.

I did nothing more than dress him in drag and lead him around Boystown on a leash.  He was fine.  He was happy.  The club that I tried to take him in was just prejudiced against monkeys.  He definitely met the dress code.  It's not my problem that they thought it was wrong.  And I really don't appreciate them calling the police and Animal Control on my ass.  I really miss Philip (the monkey).  And now I have to go to court.

Eddie Murphy has agreed to voice your wacky animal sidekick. What is it and how long until you are charged with it’s murder?

If Eddie Murphy is voicing it, it totally wouldn't matter.  What happened, Eddie?  You used to be so funny.

When cheese gets its picture taken what does it say?

Crackers!

Do you sleep in your bra?

No.

What color is the bra that you’re wearing?

Who said I'm wearing one?

You have died and gone to hell. What’s playing on all the channels?

The 700 Club.  Ugh.

The makers of Nutella have gone out of business. How has this impacted your life?

Total heartache.  I never want to get out of bed again....

Ever taken a naked picture of yourself? Can we see it?

Yes.  No.

You’ve reached Final Jeopardy. The answer: Jesus’ favorite Beatle.  What was the question?

Who is the Fifth Beatle?

What color of pants are you most likely to die in?

I don't know, but they'll probably be sweatpants.

How are your elbows? Are they okay?

They're cool.  Bit dry, though.  Hello, lotion.

Have you ever gotten into an argument on the internet? Did you win?

Sadly, yes.  I still do it to this day, even though I know better.  Arguing on the internet is stupid, but I've won a few times.

A crazy person kidnaps you and says you have 15 minutes to solve a Rubik’s Cube or they’ll blow your goddamn brains out. Time’s up. How are your goddamn brains?

They're goddamn splattered.