Partying Hard

That's what I used to do on Friday nights.  Hell, if I told you I spent this past Friday night in the hospital, you'd probably think I was there with alcohol poisoning or something.  I almost wish that would have been the case.

In a nutshell, I started having numbness, weakness, and the tingles in my left arm.  Then I started feeling burning in my chest and abdomen.  We all know what those are signs of.  I'm sure me panicking didn't help in any way.  So my husband came home and kept asking if I wanted to go to the doctor.  I'm a stubborn asshole, so I kept saying no.  Well, it wasn't all stubbornness.  I have no insurance, and I could already see the money going *POOF* if I went.  Then my mom called for her usual nightly check-in and she badgered me until I begrudgingly agreed to go.  So off I went.

There wasn't much of a wait, and I got a room in the ER pretty quickly.  They did some Xrays, drew some blood (which was fun, because my veins were being twunts), and gave me some baby aspirin.  While waiting for the doctor to come in and diagnose me, I sat through The 700 Club (words cannot express how much I HATE that fucking show), two episodes of the Fresh Prince, and an hour of something called "Bering Sea Gold"(?).  The doctor came in at about 2 (they were sort of busy in there, because some dude was flipping his shit and trying to kill himself) and said that she would like to keep me overnight for observation.  Figuring I was already wracking up a nice healthy bill that will take me until I'm dead to pay off, I agreed.

It took them until 4 in the morning to get a regular room, so I had a long wait in the ER room.  I silently thanked Xenu (hey, it's a Catholic hospital....had to do it silently) that I had brought along my phone charger and that the hospital had wi-fi.  Doctor Who kept me entertained nicely, until they carted me to the 11th floor.

I figured I'd have to share a room with someone, but they gave me a nice corner suite that looked north (downtown view) and east (lake view) that was only occupied by me.  I'm sure that will be about $5000 for the night.  Anyway, I got settled in, and the nurses came back to poke and prod me, while some asshole doctor came in to tell me he was going to watch me overnight.  Dude was a prick.  I know it didn't look serious, but if the ER doc wanted to keep me overnight, then SOMETHING must have seemed off.

After he was done interrogating me, I tried to get comfortable on the bed.  If you've been in a hospital before, you know how damned impossible that is.  So yeah.  I stayed up until the sky began to lighten in the east, worrying about how the fuck I was going to pay this bill, what if something was really wrong, what will I do, what if I die......my mind was zooming at a million miles per second.  It finally gave in to exhaustion and I fell asleep for three hours.

I woke up to a cheerful nurse coming in to tell me that I would be doing a stress test.  I got the option of medicine to make my heart race or to just get on the treadmill and walk/jog.  I chose the latter, because I'm stupid.  Actually, I didn't want them to think I was giant lazy lardass.  After that, I was served a lovely breakfast of clear liquids (restricted diet since I had to do the stress test).  It was as disgusting as I thought it would be, so I left about half of it.  The nurse came back at about 11 to take me upstairs for the testing.  It sucked.  By the end, I was sweaty, overheated, and covered in goo.  No, not that kind of goo.  It's that gel that they use to do ultrasounds.  No bueno.

I got back to my room at about 12, just in time for them to serve me lunch.  Since the testing was done, I received a regular meal.  I wish I hadn't, because it was godawful.  Where the fuck do they find this food?  My friend aptly described it as "horse meat".  I think he might be right.

Anyway, the afternoon kept rolling on.  My husband and son showed up, and the doctor came in at about 1 to talk to me.  My heart is normal, but the EKG was a little weird.  So I got the usual speech (which I'm totally not mad about, because they're just doing their jobs and covering their asses) about  losing weight and eating right and exercising.  Except I think it might have stuck this time (more on this below).  I was finally discharged at about 3.

So now I'm home and doing alright.  My souvenir is the giant hole (okay, it's not THAT big) from the IV line on my right arm, and a huge bruise on my left arm where they dug out blood (because my veins suck).  Oh, and a general feeling of anxiety about my health and what I eat and stuff.

Even though it wasn't a heart attack, I'm pretty terrified now.  It is actually a chore for me to eat, even when I'm hungry.  I'm scared that if I eat the wrong things, I really will do damage to my heart.  Heart problems run in both sides of my family, and I don't want to have those issues.  Hell, I'm so terrified that I actually ate raisin bran for breakfast, and I'm pretty sure I hate raisins more than green beans.  But it was healthy (label checking is your friend!) and I needed to eat something.  I have to go shopping next weekend, so I'm thinking a good portion of this week will be devoted to researching new things to incorporate into my diet, planning menus, and writing a grocery list.

The worst part of all of this is the fact that I am also terrified of drinking now.  I have a half full bottle of tequila and a half full bottle of rum.  And I can't bring myself to imbibe.  The thought just grosses me out.  Okay, maybe that isn't the worst part.  The worst part is yet to come.  The bills.

Since I don't have insurance, I'm sure it will be at least $30,000-40,000, if not more (don't get me started on the state of healthcare in this country).  I'm already paying for $11,000 in hospital bills from California, along with some other serious debt that I racked up.  Our finances aren't pretty.  Mercy Hospital does offer financial assistance and options, but I don't know if we really qualify for the assistance.  The options, maybe. I hope.  My dear friend is going to help me wade through all the paperwork once the bills start rolling in.  But I'm still worried and anxious.  I know I'll eventually have to tell the in-laws about this, mainly because we'll either need help or a reduction on our rent to pay this off.  Then the bullshit will start to fly.

So that was my fun filled weekend.  I never want to do it again.