So. I lost another person to that fucking shit known as cancer. I tried to write about it when it happened (last month), but I couldn't find the words. They seem to be flowing now, probably because of something that I will talk about in a little bit.
The woman that died was my mom's friend, but she became like an aunt to me and my sister. She was a wonderful person who could make you laugh your ass off with her snark and her personality. I remember so many times where we would go over to her house and just talk and laugh and do stupid shit for hours on end. We would trade music back and forth because we were both majorly into Oldies/Soul/Classic R&B/whatever the fuck you want to call it. Even though I didn't realize it at the time, she would try to make my self-esteem rise (when I was a teenager, I was extremely introverted and felt ugly and fat.....yeah, like that's changed) by saying how pretty my skin was, or how she liked my makeup or hair.
We lost contact over the last five years or so, but I knew when she discovered she had pancreatic cancer. I also feared that it was a death sentence, because that shit is like the Satan of cancers.
At first, it seemed like all would be well, because she had continued on for so long. Sadly, it was not the case, and she died on June 4th. I pretty much cursed the heavens all day and repeated the mantra of, "I fucking hate cancer."
A week later, I got some more wonderful news, but nothing as bad as losing someone. The state of Illinois was cutting funding to their medical programs, which meant I was fucked for health insurance. You see, Illinois would provide affordable insurance (what a novel concept!) for the poors like me. My husband makes a beautiful $2200 a month, so we more than qualified. Since he gets health insurance through the school, only my son and I had to be covered through the state. So I was paying $25 for health care. It was wonderful. Then they decided that since the state is going broke, they were going to cut funding to health programs.
.......
Yeah.
So my son is still covered, but for me to be covered again, my husband would have to make $83 less. Yup.
I am now one of the millions of people in the country that is uninsured. It is not a good feeling, and believe me, I went ballistic when I found out about this, mainly because they didn't tell us anything until a couple of weeks before the insurance would run out. So I was left scrambling to make appointments and get everything in order with my prescriptions. I managed, but then I was left with figuring out how to get cheap prescriptions this month. I finally went with Walmart prescriptions. I didn't want to, because I absolutely LOATHE Walmart, but I didn't have much of a choice, considering our finances. So I begrudgingly switched over to them. Which brings me to my next thing.
I am on 20mg of Paxil per day. I was down to three pills a week and a half ago, so I started staggering them out until my prescriptions went through with Walmart. Well, my blood pressure medication went through and is here, but I'm waiting for my Paxil. I have been off Paxil for a week. And the results of me being Paxil free have been.......fantastic.
It wasn't a piece of cake at the beginning of the week. Even though my mind felt clear, my body was pretty tired and rundown. On Tuesday, I felt myself wavering between good person/heinous bitch from hell. I finally took an emergency Xanax so I would calm the hell down. It worked. I woke up on Wednesday feeling fine. So I think that even if my pills show up, I probably won't take them. My withdrawal wasn't too bad, and I don't feel like I'm going to go into meltdown mode any time soon. The only suck thing is that I'm suffering from some nasty insomnia. It was so bad last night that I stayed up until 4 a.m., reading about the Donner Party. Nothing like cannibalism to get you in the mood for a snooze.
With all of this going on, I also had to deal with shortages of money. Boy, that is always fun, but since that is one of my constant gripes, I will tell you that I'm trying to remedy it. I have an interview for a job on the 6th of August, but since I'm competing with probably a zillion undergrads, I have a snowball's chance in hell of being hired. So I shall keep looking. My sister seems to have a lot of luck weeding out the good shit on Craigslist, so maybe I'll give that a go.
The one good thing about this month is that I finally noticed we were accumulating Thank You points through our bank. Figuring they wouldn't amount to but a couple of dollars, I decided to cash them in. One hundred dollars. Sounds like a piddling amount, huh? Not when you're trying to figure out how to survive on a grad student's salary. I also lucked into a survey type thing that pays forty bucks. This will help with our electricity bill since it is readjustment month for our budget billing, and it is forty dollars more than usual. Good things happen sometimes! Hurrah!
There is one more good thing that I get to mention, that has me practically bouncing off the walls: my sister is coming to visit next month. We've been discussing it since last month, but nothing was set in stone since her boyfriend had to figure out when he could use his free ticket and such. It was finally decided at the beginning of this week, and they're coming on the 17th of August. I cannot express how fucking happy I am. My sister and I have a lot of differences, but at the end of the day, she is my sister, and I love her dearly (even when she is being a cocksucking bitch). We were going to try and keep it a surprise for my son, but he apparently listens to my conversations more than I thought. So now he is eagerly counting the days to see his Auntie Deeta.
Honestly, it will be great to have some of my family come visit me again. I love and miss them so much, even when they act a fool. Now my mom just needs to get her ass out here, and we'll be doing good.
So that's all the shit going on in my weird and wonderful world. I'll probably update again in another few months, since I'm a notorious slacker.
Done!
With all of this going on, I also had to deal with shortages of money. Boy, that is always fun, but since that is one of my constant gripes, I will tell you that I'm trying to remedy it. I have an interview for a job on the 6th of August, but since I'm competing with probably a zillion undergrads, I have a snowball's chance in hell of being hired. So I shall keep looking. My sister seems to have a lot of luck weeding out the good shit on Craigslist, so maybe I'll give that a go.
The one good thing about this month is that I finally noticed we were accumulating Thank You points through our bank. Figuring they wouldn't amount to but a couple of dollars, I decided to cash them in. One hundred dollars. Sounds like a piddling amount, huh? Not when you're trying to figure out how to survive on a grad student's salary. I also lucked into a survey type thing that pays forty bucks. This will help with our electricity bill since it is readjustment month for our budget billing, and it is forty dollars more than usual. Good things happen sometimes! Hurrah!
There is one more good thing that I get to mention, that has me practically bouncing off the walls: my sister is coming to visit next month. We've been discussing it since last month, but nothing was set in stone since her boyfriend had to figure out when he could use his free ticket and such. It was finally decided at the beginning of this week, and they're coming on the 17th of August. I cannot express how fucking happy I am. My sister and I have a lot of differences, but at the end of the day, she is my sister, and I love her dearly (even when she is being a cocksucking bitch). We were going to try and keep it a surprise for my son, but he apparently listens to my conversations more than I thought. So now he is eagerly counting the days to see his Auntie Deeta.
Honestly, it will be great to have some of my family come visit me again. I love and miss them so much, even when they act a fool. Now my mom just needs to get her ass out here, and we'll be doing good.
So that's all the shit going on in my weird and wonderful world. I'll probably update again in another few months, since I'm a notorious slacker.
Done!
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