Monday, April 2, 2012

Domestic Disaster Time!

The lovely Audrey at Barking Mad is hosting a fun contest celebrating(?) domestic disasters. Since I can't really think of any disasters involving other appliances or whatever, I'll go with a cooking disaster. There are actually two disasters in this story, but one is far worse than the other. If you're on my Facebook friends list, you probably remember me gnashing my teeth over what happened.

This past Christmas, I decided to make tamales for my family and friends, following my aunt's recipe. I gathered the ingredients together, and bought the premixed masa (the dough) to save some time. It was frozen solid in the tub, but I figured it wouldn't hurt it, since I wasn't going to make the tamales for another week or so. It was also white, which confused me for a bit, because masa is usually a grainy yellowish color. I figured it was just a different type of corn.

So the weekend of making tamales rolled around. Saturday I prepped the meat filling. It turned out beautifully. Confident with that success (because the last time I made tamales, the meat was horrible) , I got everything ready for wrapping and steaming on Sunday.

Sunday rolled around and after softening up the corn husks, I started wrapping tamales. The masa sort of looked and smelled funny when out of the tub, but I still didn't think anything of it. After wrapping two dozen, I filled my steamer pot with water and started stacking tamales in it. This was the first disaster. The steamer part that sits above the water CAVED IN and dumped two dozen tamales in the water. I was upset, and rightly so, since rolling tamales is hard work! However, I didn't give up, salvaged about a dozen tamales, and finished rolling the rest. I managed to stack them back in the pot without it collapsing (I'm a trusting soul). I turned on the burner and walked away, because four dozen tamales will take an age to cook.

An hour and a half after starting them, I did a quick check. The masa still looked mushy and almost liquidy. Figuring condensation was wreaking havoc on them, I turned down the burner. Another hour and a half passed. I checked them again. Still oozing. This is when I started to worry, because they should have been done by then. I pulled a few out, and, to my horror, the masa just GUSHED out of the top of the corn husks. I dug down further and found a few that had solidified. I tasted it and wanted to retch. The masa WAS BAD! Bad as in, "This stuff is rancid!" I think I started crying. All that hard work wasted. Half of the delicious pork shoulder that I labored over and babied and seasoned was gone, lost in a sea of slimy masa.

After cursing for awhile, I tossed the tamales down the garbage chute. They weren't fit for consumption, not even for my worst enemies.

And I've pretty much vowed to never attempt tamales again.

2 comments:

  1. I remember that horrible story. I can't even imagine the pissed-offness after all that work.

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  2. Oh my goodness! I LOVE tamales and I simply can't imagine this. I have to say, I've never made them myself and now I'm kinda scared to even try!

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