One Year, Ninety-Five Pounds Lost....

The title says it all. It has been one year since I had my Lap Band put in, and I’ve lost 95 pounds. I probably would have lost more, but I had issues with the band in August and October. The kind of issues that required corrective surgery. It wasn’t fun, and it seriously screwed with me losing more weight. However, I can’t blame my lack of weight loss only on that.

There have been days that I have completely slacked off in eating right and exercising. Hell, there have been WEEKS where I’ve slacked off. Then there is the darker side of it all, the side that involves my brain sending out the bad thoughts that mess with my self-esteem and make me doubt myself. The thoughts and whispered suggestions that kill me inside….”You’ll always be fat”……”Look at your body, it’s disgusting”……”You might as well give up and just eat whatever you want, fatass”……. Those thoughts hurt, and they’re successful, and you can’t just turn them off, especially when you’ve lived with them for most of your life. And while this Lap Band restricts what I eat to some degree, it doesn’t make wise food choices for me. I have to do that for myself, and it is hard, and sometimes I fail.

I truly wanted to be one of those successful Lap Band patients. I wanted to come back a year later, at least 100+ pounds thinner, but it didn’t happen. However, I can’t really sneeze at 95 pounds, especially when I look at pictures from then and now.

Before:

After:

When I saw these pictures, I wanted to cry. I can’t believe I was ever that large. I can’t believe I lived like that for so long. Now that I’m losing weight, I can feel the difference in my body. I don’t have to take asthma meds anymore, I don’t have to use my CPAP machine (which I do need to return now that I don’t need it), I can walk for three or more miles without breaking a sweat, and my feet and ankles don’t bother me anymore. And I do feel much more attractive.

I don’t know what the next year will bring me. I’m sure it will be filled with ups and downs, but I do know one thing: I’m not giving up. Through the setbacks and slacking that I know will happen, I’m not going to stop. I’m going to battle my way through this and become healthier in mind and body. I will win.

Thank you to EVERYONE who has stood by me through this journey. You have given me nothing but love and support without the harsh judgment that I know some people experience when they get weight loss surgery. I couldn’t have asked for a better group of people to cheer me on.

I’ll sign off on this post now, before I start blubbering on. Drinking does that to me.