Realizations And Randomness

Realization -Having a CPAP machine to help me breathe at night makes me see how bad off I am, healthwise. I may have a low risk of high cholesterol and diabetes, but that doesn’t mean I’m the picture of health. Knowing that I have to use this machine to breathe better while I sleep is scary and makes me realize how dire my weight situation is.

Randomness -I saw the dietitian on Friday. A nice distraction, considering the day. She’s funny, cool, and we share the bond of not being accepted really by certain in laws. She thinks I’m a wonderful candidate for the surgery, if they’d only get their asses moving on it.

Realization -I’m lazy. That just hit me right now. If I’m not slacking off with my son, I’m on here, doing jack shit to improve my life or expand my mind. I’m supposed to be making a plan for school next year. Haven’t done it. I’m supposed to be exercising more. I barely started today. I’m supposed to make a doctor’s appointment. I haven’t called. It’s like I get in this rut of lethargy and can’t get out. I’m drowning in apathy!

Randomness -Throwing snowballs with a bunch of preschoolers and their parents is fun. We built a ghetto little snowman as well, but he had no eyes or anything. Then my son kicked him over. Good job, kid.

Realization -My psychologist and I were talking like we do almost every Saturday, when she brought up the question as to what I will do now that I’ve given up spending as a sport and eating because I’m bored. I wasn’t sure, except to say I’d be writing a lot and I’d (eventually) be working on school work. As I was in my room today, I took a look at the corner near my closet and saw my poor electric guitar sitting there, all forlorn. It struck me that I shouldn't be letting it go to waste like that, especially after the money my husband shelled out for it. I haven’t touched it since we moved into this place nor learned anything beyond a few chords. I think I’d suck at playing, I can’t afford lessons, and I heard a rumour that you shouldn’t teach yourself because if you start off playing badly, it will stick. However, since I’m not going to be on tour with Depeche Mode anytime soon, I don’t think it will hurt. So I am going to force myself to learn to play and to tune it properly.

Randomness -Old fashioned hard Christmas candy is awesome. I’ve eaten a ton of it since buying it last month, and I’m sure my teeth hate me. Oh well, I need to get rid of it before surgery.

Realization -Today I felt like the anxiety and panic were coming back. Not in full blown mode, mind you, but those weird twinges I had right before the doctor upped my meds again. It might come to that, it might not. The point is, I realized that I do need to find a hobby or something to keep my mind engaged.

Randomness -I’m plotting tons of baking this month, unless my slothfulness takes over and I never do it. I might have to beat it down.

Is done!