It's Back Again....

...and I don't want it.

I hate anxiety. I hate feeling like this. I hate living a life dictated by a truly warped mind.

All I want to do is go back to how I felt before September. I was happy then, living my life, enjoying my son's antics, trying to get healthy, and suffering from minor depression. Now I'm fearful, scared that something will happen, without faith of any kind, and feeling truly terrified that I won't see another day. I love my son with all my heart and soul, but I feel like I'm neglecting him because I can't concentrate on anything else. We went to the museum yesterday, and I felt okay, but still kind of wary. Then last night, the anxiety came back in full bloom. I thought perhaps I was just tired from the long day, and if I slept, it would disappear. It didn't, and now I will have to see my doctor to get the Paxil upped and get more scripts for Xanax.

I just want to be (somewhat) normal. It's not happening.