Yeah yeah, I’ve been lagging on writing. I have just had way too many things going on and way too much writer’s block. I was going to write a post on what the rest of my summer was like, but the words never came, and lately I’ve been thinking that I should just let it rest. I’ll always have the memories, even if some of them are painful. I don’t need to see them written down or typed out. So let me wipe that slate clean and move on to something that might actually stimulate my creative juices.
Last week, as I was reading my usual blogs, I ran across something that intrigued me. It is basically a list of writing prompts for 30 days. You don’t have to do them 30 days in a row, but they are just sort of ideas. Reading through that list, I could feel myself getting inspired and actually wanting to do it, even knowing that some of those prompts are going to be emotionally hard to answer.
So, without any more rambling, here is the first in a series of 30 truths.
Day 01: Something You Hate About Yourself
Wow. Start out with a hard one, eh? I was going to go with the physical aspects of what I hate, but when I thought about it, the one thing I hate about myself the most has caused all my other problems. What is it? My compulsive behavior. As is my way, I don’t just have one compulsive behavior, I have several, and they can pretty much be blamed for the other reasons I hate myself. Be it shopping, eating, drinking, sex, etc., I do everything to the extreme, and pay for it later with the guilt, the weight, the debt, and the possibly half dead liver.
Mind you, I am in therapy for this, and I was doing quite well, but things have gotten worse all over again, and I find myself drowning in all my bad habits. Did I really need that expensive perfume? Did I really need to eat that late night snack, even if it was healthy? Did I really need to drink that much Bacardi 151 in one sitting? Did I really need to debase myself in that way? The answer to all of those questions is a resounding NO, but I still find myself engaging in this behavior.
I wish I could say that there was a magical fix for all of this, and that I will be cured before anymore damage is caused or before I hurt myself or those I love. I’m realistic, however, and know that this just won’t happen. There will be many more bumps and bruises and heartaches associated with me, and there really isn’t much I can do about it. Oh sure, I can say the pat, “I will get through this and I will succeed!”, but honestly? I just don’t feel like blowing smoke up everyone’s ass in regards to my being cured someday.
I was hoping this post would be longer, but I guess I’m still suffering from writer’s block. Ah well. Everyone gets my point.
So ends truth #1.
This must be hereditary... I have been doing a lot of retail/booze therapy lately too. Feels good at first but then you are left with an empty feeling once the rush subsides.
ReplyDeleteI am back after a few months and I am soooo thankful to find these prompts in your page so I can steal the idea and inspire myself to some writing.
ReplyDeleteI don't know what to say to the post that doesn't sound like just some lame platitude. I guess all I can say is that we ALL do some things in excess. Eat, drink, sex, sleep, hate, envy, shop, shoot up, cry, talk about ourselves, get angry, etc. We all have an obsession with doing too much of the bad things out there. All we can hope to do is learn to handle when we go over and accept ourselves when we do. Have a plan for next time it happens and dig inside ourselves for that little pool of strength that we all have and that we sometimes ignore. Faith is not just about religion. Not just about believing in a superior power. Sometimes faith is just believing in ourselves.