I need to win the lottery so I can have my friends sitting pretty. I mean, yeah, I'd use the money for myself and get shit sorted, but I can't help and fantasize about being able to be like, "Take this cut of my winnings and get the shit you need and get healthy because we can't lose you."

This is the reality of this country right now. Hoping you'll win the impossible so you can make a difference. For me personally, I don't even need that much money, and I've always just figured if that impossible dream happened and I became wealthy suddenly, I'd use it more on friends and family than on myself. I just need enough to get out of debt (like, fully...no mortgage or car payment or anything), get my health taken care of, and put enough away for my old age and for the kid to do what he wants when he's an adult.

We're not bad off, but sometimes you feel so helpless when things break (heater), or you have a surprise battery replacement for your car.

I live my life in a constant state of anxiety over something big happening. Illness, a major appliance breaking, a job lost. It's not a good way to live.

I want to get a job, but my job selection is limited right now. To be employed means I would have to find something at night or on weekends because of homeschool. It can't be too late at night because then I'll never be able to sleep, and the kid won't be taught. Walgreens in my neighborhood is open 24/7, but they always reject my application. Sometimes the University hires for overnight desk duty at the library or in a residence hall. I almost, ALMOST had a job there until I was told I would have to be on-call. I've also toyed with the idea of applying at the Target in my neighborhood. However! When I walked out in 2006 (long story), HR screeched out a threat of me never being able to work at one again. I am not entirely sure this is true (especially because the threat happened so long ago and in California), but I also don't know how petty Target can be.

Maybe I'll apply anyways. It can't hurt.