Body Rebellion

I really do feel like a shit for complaining about my body hurting. I mean, it's obvious I brought this crap on myself. However, I am in such screaming pain today that I don't give a fuck what people think, so I'm going to indulge in a complaint or five.

So. My back has been messed up since like 2015 or so. That's a constant. Usually doesn't even bother me. I pop a muscle relaxer every few days (trying to limit my pill intake because addictions suuuuuuck), try to keep up with my physical therapy exercises, and go about my fat merry way.

Things are changing though.

Last week, I noticed a stinging pain in my upper thigh. It wasn't too bad, but it was annoying as shit. This is also the leg that hurts due to my back. Then I noticed that my leg would sometimes feel numb, sometimes tingly, sometimes hot or cold. THAT was a little more worrisome, so I did make an appointment to see my doctor. I see her on Tuesday, but that weirdness has already left my body. You might be thinking that I should just cancel that appointment, but...

I have also been battling some strange neck pains for two weeks now.

I usually don't say much about it. I try not to complain, because I know people have it worse, and like I said, this is probably an obesity problem. It FUCKING HURTS THOUGH.

Well, not all the time. Just in the afternoon. Confused, huh? So am I.

I'll wake up perfectly fine, maybe my leg and back hurting a bit like normal. I'll go about my day, teaching my kid, doing the things that need to be done, then BAM! Afternoon hits and so does the neck pain. It starts in my neck, makes one side of my head ache, and I just feel fuckawful. If I rest somewhere or lie down, it subsides a bit. If I'm up walking around or doing whatever, I want to fucking die.

Come nightfall, the pain leaves or dissipates enough that I feel okay.

What. The. Fuck.

This is also why I'm keeping the doctor appointment (that and because I need a flu shot because fuck the flu).

I initially thought the pain was caused by too flat of a pillow and that if I propped myself up, I'd be better. Nope. Then I thought it might be my teeth. That is still a possibility because my teeth are on par with a meth head's mouth (not really), so it could be a cause. Then the scary scenarios of tumors, aneurysms, cancer, etc. did a march through my head with anxiety closing out that fucking parade. It's probably not any of those things, but my brain loves to think we're dying.

Anyway, today almost my whole body hurts because I don't fucking know anymore. I'd love nothing more than to just snuggle back in bed, but I have seven hundred fucking million things to do today, and they won't get done if I'm hibernating. I figured I'd pound out this blog while eating and waiting for pain meds to kick in so I'd have one less thing to do later on.

Man, this post is kind of depressing. Let me end with something uplifting..

"Thank you for your interest in a life free of pain. We are not accepting applications at this time. Please try again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again…" -Welcome to Night Vale