Today

I'm gonna be honest. This is just a sort of half-assed post. I'm feeling a bit down today, and I have a raging headache/breathing issue going on. I still have no fucking idea if it's caused by anxiety or sinus issues or something else. However, I'm just wiped out from it, along with the whole aforementioned down thing. I hate these moments. I hate feeling like a fucking depressed nutcase.

I'd love to focus on the good of the day. Hanging out with my kiddo on this sham bullshit of a holiday. Spending time taking in all the weirdness downtown. Getting a new phone. The Cubs actually being GOOD (I probably just jinxed them).

It isn't helping.

I can only guess that a lot of my feelings are being brought on by hormones. I get like this every few months or so, usually right before I have a really bad go-round with Aunt Flo. Each time feels soul sucking. Each time feels like I just want to let everything go and say, "Fuck this, fuck that, fuck you, fuck them, fuck all of this." I get weepy and emotional and irrational.

Then I get to the point where I honestly dislike almost everyone and want to cut everyone out of my life.

This is the part that kind of scares me. I get to the edge where I just can't fucking stand what people say. My outer shell of nice starts melting and I just look at everyone with a side eye and a "fuck your opinion" at the tip of my tongue. I know people say I should always live like this, but that isn't me, no matter what kind of appearance I put up online.

Or maybe it is me, and these bouts where I feel like this is my true self trying to come out and play.

I don't know. This whole post makes no goddamned sense. I think I'm just rambling at this point. I'm going to go finish fixing up my new phone and disabling bloatware. Stupid fucking shitty apps. Like I'd ever fucking use Uber.

Fuck it. I'm out.