Okay, maybe it doesn't suck, but I have realized that I have done NOTHING with it.
Yeah yeah yeah, save the, "But you have a husband and a son and a house and a pretty fucking sweet life!" bullshit for another day. I know this already. I don't need to hear it.
I'm mainly talking about how my life sucks because I haven't accomplished one fucking thing, career or travel-wise, that I've wanted to do in my thirty-two years on this planet. Maybe it is selfish to want more, but my life just seems pretty pointless. I feel uneducated, inexperienced, and just downright bloody stupid, especially when I compare myself to my husband or our friends.
There were so many things I wanted to do with my life, and now it feels like I'll never accomplish anything, like I'll always be stuck either at home or in jobs that, while fun, are not going to take me where I want to go.
I guess it would help if I KNEW what I wanted to do with my life. Sometimes I feel like doing one thing, but then that changes to another. What I really want to do will never be lucrative, which is the most important thing in the world, right? Silly Jess, there is no room on this planet for studying Art History because it will get you NOWHERE and you will make NO MONEY.
I guess I'm just frustrated with myself right now. I could have done so many things if I had been more assertive in my life, and, you know, actually done well in school. Somehow I don't think going to three high schools over four and a half years is stellar work. Then there is the whole hopping from study to study in community college and never even getting close to a freakin' A.A.
My life is not what I expected, and I have no one to blame but myself.
/end whine
I think we are twins.
ReplyDeleteDear Jess.... study Art History... no there's no money in it but if it pleases you that's what you should do...you could teach it once you're done...there's no money in teaching either but at least you'd get to talk about Art History all day...
ReplyDeleteShut the fuck up. You want to pursue your dream of an art history? Do it. Apply at museums, art houses, it is your dream. Does it really have to make you money? If you and Kin both are doing your dream work, you have Jason, food, a room, water. you will be fine. You will learn to adjust to your new life. If it is something you want to do. Do it. Nothing is sadder than a missed opportunity to follow your dream. Get up off your lazy ass and go to the museum. Talk to the director. Tell them your dream. Blow them away with what you know and put on a good front. You can do it.
ReplyDelete