Mmmmm.....Depression

I don't know what the hell is wrong with me (besides the obvious). I just feel like complete shit all the time. I'm constantly stressing about money, even though I know we're covered, thanks to help from my parents. Without them, the kid wouldn't be getting a Christmas, and we wouldn't have money to go grocery shopping this weekend (and probably the latter part of next month as well).

So maybe it isn't money, per se. Maybe I'm just depressed over the fact that I can't stretch our money more. Maybe I'm just depressed because, at the age of 31, I still have to rely on Mommy and Daddy for money. Maybe it's the fact that I can't get work of any kind, which makes me feel utterly useless. Babysitting is out, because everyone has childcare already, although I've put it out there that I'm available for emergencies and whatnot. I've applied all over the neighborhood, but no go. Kinda weird, considering the holidays are coming up and people are usually hiring. Not in Hyde Park, though. I can't go any farther than the neighborhood because of my own childcare issues, so working Downtown is out.

I just need.....something. I don't know what. I feel so miserable because of all this stress. I really try to hide it, but damn. Everyone has their breaking point. I'm not sure I've reached mine yet, but it is awfully close.

I could also just be feeling the depression because December is coming up, and it's just a really shitty month in the scheme of things. God knows I only go through the motions of the holiday for the kid. Not much to celebrate nowadays with everyone gone. A month where I lost both of my grandmothers. A month that would have seen my grandfather turn 75. Sheeyit. I can do without it, thanks.

I'm not sure what the point of writing this was. Maybe I just needed to ramble on and vent some of my depression on the interwebz. Hell, I'm sure most of the people that read this know exactly how I feel.