Google Earth And Depression

The weirdest shit can make you depressed. It's true. I was bored and messing with Google Earth. I started looking up places in my hometown and the area surrounding it. And I just got hit with this overwhelming feeling of homesickness and depression.

I guess maybe it is the holidays coming up that is making it worse, along with some pretty sucky anniversaries. The knowledge that, once again, I will not be with my family during Christmas just makes me teary eyed. I miss them all, more than I care to admit, I guess. Yes, I have my husband and my son, and even the doggeh (who is trying to climb my leg right now.....like most pets, he senses sadness) to celebrate the holidays with, but I need my other family members. This includes all my close friends in California, because we all act like family anyways!

There is so much I'm feeling right now, and I don't know how to put it into words. My throat is sore from holding in the crying. I usually don't cry. My Paxil has made me pretty immune to certain feelings. Yet tonight, I really feel like letting loose and bawling.

I suppose I'm not making sense. I don't care. I need to write or else I'll go batshit insane.

Fuck it. I'm going to go shower now and possibly cry. Maybe tomorrow I'll resume my (supposedly) normal life.