Catching Up

*Update* I wrote this last week. The next day when I weighed myself, I had dropped two pounds! The weight has continued to come off steadily since then, and I’m back down to 363. I guess I need to learn patience, right?

Wow, I can’t believe it has already been a month since I’ve written anything. I’m not quite sure where the time went. I guess the best thing to do is to bring everyone up to speed on what has happened and how I feel. Some of it is great, some of it sucks, but I guess that’s life, right?

I had started a blog post that detailed every little thing that happened during my surgery and stay in the hospital, but it started running way too long, so I abandoned it. To sum up the surgery aspect of it all: it went well, I recovered quickly (with the exception of the gas that I had trapped in my body for a week….ugh, so painful), and I pretty much started eating almost normal foods within a week and a half. The fantastic part of this all is that I dropped 37 pounds within three weeks (two weeks pre surgery and one week post surgery). I went from 400 lbs. exactly to 363 lbs. I was THRILLED. My staples came out, I was cleared for mushy foods, and then the trouble started.

I have gotten into the habit of weighing myself each morning. It is a bad habit, I know, but I can’t help myself. Over the past two weeks, I watched as the scale numbers crept up. And up. It finally settled at 369, and that is where I am now. Now I knew that this would happen, that my body would latch on to any food I eat because it was starving for so long. I know eventually it will start going down again. Still, I can‘t help but feel a little anxious about it. In the past, this lack of weight loss would have discouraged me to the point of giving up. Not this time.

I am DETERMINED. I’m going to stick it out, no matter how much it hurts emotionally (I can handle the physical pain of the exercises). I’m not going to give in. I will conquer this and hopefully see some improvement. I know the numbers don’t mean much, but I would like to see a little shift in the right direction. Besides, I have to be losing SOMETHING (inches, maybe? It is possible to lose inches without dropping pounds) because I’m constantly hiking up my pants and my chonies are hanging on me like a limp flag of surrender. My ass has shrunk, my husband can put his arms around me, FULLY, for the first time in years. My face has thinned out a bit, and my forearms are getting smaller. I wish I could say the same about my batwings and love handle, but I’m working on that.

There is another reason I’m sticking this out, a somewhat shallow reason. I’m hoping I see some real improvement by July. I’m supposed to meet up with my super awesome “online fantasy” friends in Cleveland. I know they don’t give two shits about how I look, but I wanted them to see that I didn’t do this surgery in vain. I don’t want them to slow their pace because of the fat girl. I want to go to the club we’re going to and look semi-decent. I want to go and not have people stare at me because I look horrible. It’s silly, I know, but it is just another mental quirk that I have to deal with.

I will deal with it, though. AND lose my weight. Trust.