A Glimmer Of Hope?

After almost six months, I am finally finishing up the odyssey to get my Lap Band. I think. Last week I saw the gastroenterologist and he cleared me of any malabsorption issues. As a matter of fact, he insinuated that it was downright dumb that I even had to go through any of that before I got the Lap Band. I really like this doctor.

So after the appointment with him on Thursday, I called the Lap Band clinic. Of course they didn’t answer, so I left a message. No calls Friday. I left more messages. I called again today and left another message, and yeah, it probably sounded snotty, but they called me back this afternoon. Luckily (for me and for them), they had a cancellation for tomorrow, so I now have an appointment to HOPEFULLY get medical clearance for the surgery. Of course I’m ecstatic, but I’m wary. Today has gone so well that I fear tomorrow will only bring me bad news.

I fear that the doctor will look at me, note that I haven’t lost any weight on my own, and say that I’m not suitable for the surgery. Oh yes, it’s true. I’ve probably gained a few more pounds from the last time he saw me. I really don’t have anyone to blame but myself for that. The first few weeks after consulting with the surgeon and dietitian (back in October and November, mind you), I took it upon myself to eat a lot more junk food than usual, thinking that in a few months (ha ha again) I wouldn’t be able to do so, even though I was never big on the crap food in the first place.

I was initially told that the process to get surgery only took 6-10 weeks. Then the clearance doctor threw a bunch of tests at me. Then the classes were scattered about. Then the original gastroenterologist I was to see had a crisis, and when I called back to make another appointment, I was informed he didn’t take Medicaid (which is a complete lie, according to my current gastroenterologist). I think that some time in January, I just got really discouraged and didn’t care. I still ate healthy, but not healthy portions. I half heartedly exercised if my foot didn’t hurt. I just gave up because I felt like I would never get this surgery, that I would forever be overweight, and that I would eventually die from some obesity related disease.

Sorry, I went off a little bit from what I was talking about. What was I talking about? Oh yeah, tomorrow might be crappy. If the doctor does not clear me for surgery tomorrow, I’m just going to give up on it. I know I’ve put myself and my family through hell, bouncing from appointment to appointment, but I can’t keep going on like this. I want to know if they’re going to actually do it, and do it quickly, or if they’re going to hem and haw and put me off some more. Honestly, you don’t know how much it hurts to go on the Yahoo Group board for this particular clinic and see tons of people talking about how their surgery is in a couple of weeks, how they’re doing the liquid diet to prep for it, how they’ve just had the surgery, etc. I want to cry every time I read one of those posts because I know half of these women have only been in the program for a few months, and here I sit, still waiting, still trying to be patient, hoping that everything works out, that they’ll call me back, and so on.

So here’s hoping that tomorrow isn’t a colossal failure. I fully expect it to be, because very little of this program has been easy. If he clears me for surgery, I’ll be delighted beyond all words. If he doesn’t…..well, I can imagine my blood pressure will creep up and few choice words will escape my lips. Like I said, I will get up and quit, even if I’m told that I’d be able to have it later on. I’m not going to be kept dangling while they screw with my psyche. Yes, I know that’s far fetched, but I always prepare for the worst. It's the secret pessimist in me.