Lap Band, Episode IV: A New Hope

Mah bed last night.

Note: This was written last night while I was doing my sleep study. It was rather amusing.

11/18/09 7:38pm

I’m here in the sleep study room. Took me about 20 minutes to get registered. Nurse is very cool. She says she’ll start my study later since I’m a night owl. My room is on par with a Motel 6 room, not a bad thing. Got a nice big bed, my own bathroom, and a view of Lake Michigan. Well, I could see the lake if it were light. Crap, haven’t written by hand, in cursive, in a long time. My hand is starting to cramp. My cursive looks like my grandmother’s cursive writing. That makes me sad. 7:45pm

7:58pm

It feels so weird to be disconnected from everything. Usually, the TV is going (no TV), the computer is on (no computer), and my family is talking to me. Here, it is completely silent, and all I have is my music and this notebook and pencil. Yes, I have my phone, but it doesn’t do much. I feel like I’m a teenager again, with only my mind and my music to keep me occupied. Ah, to have those simpler times back. A couple more hours to go until they hook me up. 8:04pm

Really old reading material, but awesome nonetheless.

8:50pm

I have been wired to the electric thingie. There are about 17 sensors on my head, face, shoulders, and legs. They are plugged into something called a mini electrode board (which actually looks like a box), which in turn is plugged into the actual monitor. The technician is going to put me on the CPAP machine anyways, so she doesn’t have to interrupt my sleep later on. The electrodes feel funky. 8:55pm Oh yeah, and I’m thirsty.

The mini electrode circuit board thing. I could hang it around my neck for convenience!

Looking like ten shades of shit.

9:17pm

Not much longer now, I think. I have to pee again. This should be fun with the wires coming out everywhere. I’m not sure how to navigate that one. Hmmm… 9:22pm

And I stopped there because the technician came back to fit me with everything else. I eventually had 17 sensors, two belts to monitor my chest and stomach while I breathed, an oxygen sensor on my finger, and the CPAP machine mask on. It was weird and hard to navigate while I was sleeping. She took the mask off after awhile to put a sensor thing in front of my mouth and nose to check my breathing, but came back at about 3am to put the mask back on because my breathing was weird. I don’t think I slept very well, but I guess I did because she was watching it all night. So yes, it turns out that I DO have sleep apnea and I WILL need a CPAP machine. They are ordering it for me and I have to go back on December 17th to talk with the sleep disorder doctor about it all. I am hoping that this is just caused by me being overweight and that I will eventually be able to get rid of the machine. For now, I will have to use it.

As of right now, I’m just exhausted from it all, and pissed that the Lap Band clinic gave me a day’s warning about classes today. I was going to go, but to hell with it. I am TIRED, and I had no clue these classes were going on because I didn’t get the email until this morning. So I’m going to call up and bitch at them in a few minutes.

Taken last night, but pretty much how I felt this morning.

Finis.