Friday, October 18, 2013

Over It

Yeah, this is whining at its finest.  But I don't fucking care.  It's either type this out or punch the fuck out of someone.

My stomach hurts.  It burns most of the time.  I take Tagamet, but it only helps so much.  I'm fucking tired all of the time.  I've lost seven pounds since last Monday, which I would usually enjoy, but this is because I hardly eat anything at all.  I can't, although the food helps for a little bit, but then the burning comes back.  Holy shit, does it come back.  My throat feels raw from whatever is bubbling down there.

I have an upper GI scheduled for next Friday.  The lap band clinic ordered it after hearing my symptoms.  It could be a slip.  I don't think it is though.  It's something else, something that is fucking annoying and scary and painful, and I know that the clinic itself won't be looking for anything other than a slip so they can cover their asses.

So my choices are this: wait until Friday and see if I can get them to check for any other issues, or say, "To hell with it", swallow my pride (because this is really fucking embarrassing and I feel like a hypochondriac), and just hit the ER again tonight.

I'm fucking miserable, and I'm really tired of being sick all of the time.  I had grand plans to do heavy cleaning after I got back from Michigan, and I can't even do that because I'm just wiped out.  I've taken to napping almost constantly because I'm so fatigued.  Yesterday was a rare exception, but then I came home and passed out on the bed while my poor kid entertained himself.  That is such shitty parenting.

I'm a fucking mess.  If it didn't hurt so much, I'd be drinking that fucking bottle of vodka on my counter to numb the pain and bullshit.

Fuck.

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