O, Hai Blog!

I haven’t felt the urge to write. It is barely coming back to me now. I wish I had the power to write something completely interesting, but this post is going to be pretty mundane. Just the usual complaints and bitching, with a couple of fun (not) new things. Let’s get started, shall we?

Lap Band -I saw the gastroenterologist on the 25th of February. I had to do a fun sample for that and will see him again on March 25th. In the meantime, I tried calling to get an appointment with the Lap Band clearance doctor. Of course, being the stellar clinic they are (note the sarcasm), no one answered. I’m still trying to get a hold of someone. I guess it doesn’t really matter anyways because I’m having issues exercising and eating right again. I hate this wretched cycle of eating right, exercising, then saying, “To hell with it”, and giving up. I wish I could break out of it, but it is a terribly difficult habit to let go of after 25 years.

My foot -still hurts.

My mind -this is one of the fun new things that I was talking about. I ran out of Xanax last week and had to stop cold turkey because the pharmacy won‘t refill it until later on this week. To put it bluntly, I feel like shit. The first couple of days were filled with physical symptoms. Today, I can feel the psychological bullshit kicking in. I feel on edge, full of hopelessness, and I feel that fun sense of dread creeping up in my mind. My stomach is in knots, so I’ll probably drop weight this week, which isn’t entirely a bad thing. The only shitty part is the feeling that Death is going to come up and bitch slap me at any moment. Moving on….

Heart palpitations! -had to go to the hospital last Thursday for this. It sucked, and they couldn’t give me any answers. Luckily, they stopped, but I have a feeling it was caused by the extra weight I’m carrying around, even though the doctor wouldn’t come out and say that. Shit, just say I’m fat. I know I am. You know I am. I honestly don’t take offense anymore.

Religion -not going there. Too much spinning through my mind, and this whole “Is there or isn’t there?” bullshit is getting on my nerves. I need to figure out if I’m going to have a faith or not and stop pussyfooting around. I just can’t commit to either one, and this limbo is leaving me even more on edge. It is the suck. Maybe I should start a Religions Anonymous group. “Hi, my name is Jessica and I can’t figure out what I believe in.”

Money -we had to loan our savings to my in-laws. The less said about this, the better, because I don’t know who reads this blog. *suspicious*

The (supposed) crazy -this is the last thing I’m going to write about, and I’m not going to go into full detail of it because that would be a whole other post that I’m just not ready to write. It was brought to my attention by an acquaintance that an ex-friend of mine put a post up on his message board calling me “crazy” and a “nut case”. How do I know it is about me? Because he used my full name, of course. It was posted on the 22nd of last month, but the acquaintance barely ran across it last week and sent me a message about it. Now keep in mind that this is the same ex-friend who badgered me from August to December about being his friend again. I wanted nothing to do with him and told him so, several times. I blocked his email and any way for him to contact me on social networking sites. He used a different email to contact me and enlisted the aid of his SON to contact me on Facebook. I reiterated my stance on not wanting to talk to him. He tried to add me on MySpace. It finally died down, and now this post has surfaced. I had not had any contact with him since December, so why he posted this now is a mystery to me. Now, I could be a major ass and use his full name, like he did to me, but I’m better than that. Besides, most of the people that read this blog know who I am talking about.

I have one thing to add to this, though. If it keeps up, I will post a blog about it all, with all of the proof I saved of him harassing me on here. Screen caps and saved emails are a wonderful thing, and these definitely don’t show him in the best light.

I think I’m done for now. My fingers are starting to go numb. What a weird sensation.